Im asking for serious help here!?

ugh! I'm not sure who to ask..I cant ask my friends and I've learned to never ask my family anything so I guess I'm gunna ask strangers for advice. Lately I've been feeling so down. I'm not sure wether it's jealousy or maybe just self esteem. I don't know. But My bestfriend [not sure if I can allow myself to call her my bestfriend} well I cant stop thinking about her. Not in a gay way but as in a way when you ask yourself "why cant I be like that person?" you know? She has natural beauty..shes just so beautiful and everybody loves her. I have to wear ******* eyeliner cuz if I don't I feel like a zombie. If she doesn't come to school it's like everybodys sad day. I wish I could influence people. Shes just someone everybody wants to be around with. Nobody hates her. Nobody hates me but not everybody "loves" me. Im always a different person around her. Shes so careless about things but it's something that people love about her. I couldnt be more careful. We'r so different but so much alike. Sometimes I wish that I was someone better than who I am. I have no special talents. Sometime I think about how life doesn't go any further that what I expect it to go. I dont think this question is all about her either. I think it's more about just me telling SOMEONE what I can't tell anyone. So heres more: I hate coming home because it's where I'm stuck in a box that won't let me escape to life. I hate my life HERE. also my bestfriend the one I mentioned earlier scared the crap out of me. She said she MIGHT not come back to our school next year and well it's like i cant live without her. Shes such an influence on me. Sometimes I feel like I just want to run away to where I can start over, but then again I can't leave the people I love. Im only 14 and I just cant live feeling like life has no interest to it. I'd love to be someone else. I could really just keep writing more and more but theres is no time for you or me. Sorry if this was too long.